Some men seem like they come from an entirely different planet. They just don't get where we're coming from. Think your man's having trouble understanding you? Find out below!

He asks if I'm angry when there's silence

Wow. You've actually found a man who is sensitive enough to care that your silence might mean something. Something other than an opportunity for him to talk about himself without interruption, that is.

He's looking for reassurance. Either he's insecure in general, or he's decided, based on your history, that no news is bad news. This is an open door to talk about your feelings, even if you're not upset about anything.

As long as his insecurity doesn't feel stifling, his concern for your feelings actually bodes very well for your relationship. So don't expect him to read your mind, just come right out and tell him how you feel. It's the only way he'll know for sure.

He stares at me blankly whenever I express my feelings

He looks blank because he is blank! He probably only has one feeling to share in return: utter fear.

The reason?

Many of us men have problems with emotions. Our fathers usually weren't very good at expressing them either, and when we were growing up, showing too many feelings was a sign of weakness.

It doesn't mean he'll never develop the ability to listen to you, understand you and reply to you but it probably does mean he'll need therapy to learn how. The question is: is he willing to change?

He never gets me the right gift

We men know that we are terrible at buying presents and would like to go to a system where we just receive them instead.

One of the reasons we're terrible, however, is that women seem to expect us to learn their tastes and wants and then go out and buy the perfect gift as a surprise.

The only man who can really do that is Father Christmas. The rest of us need you to tell us what you want, repeatedly and in detail, or we'll forget because what you want is hardly ever what we would want.

It's not as romantic to spell it out for us, but you either have to put up with what we selected, or point us in the right direction.

He blames PMT whenever I'm angry or upset

Men don't understand PMT: We don't have it ourselves, and when women apologise to us for irrational behaviour by saying they had PMT, it reinforces the idea that there is this mysterious force that sometimes takes over the female brain and turns it into something evil.

That said, your man is not fighting fair if he just blames PMT left and right. He's essentially saying that whenever you disagree with him, you must be suffering from temporary insanity.

We males learn as boys that becoming emotional means that we've lost the fight. On the playground, it was more humiliating to sob with anger than it was to be beaten up by a girl. By blaming PMT for your behaviour, your man is defining the argument in 100 per cent male terms, and by those standards, you've 'lost.'

It takes men a long time to come to terms with the idea that emotions are a legitimate component to an argument. If you're angry and you want to be heard, you don't want your feelings dismissed as just some sort of hormonal imbalance. You need to explain to your man (in patient, non-emotional terms) why this is so unsatisfying to you.

Men think the purpose of a fight is to 'win,' and they want to win on facts, even the facts they make up. Asking him to acknowledge your feelings is asking him to do something pretty foreign, but in the end it will lead to a more satisfying relationship.

Bookmark: